not touching it for a month, obviously. It feels like longer..

In my struggle for a social life, I've actually managed a friend or two at the local GLBT meetup at the Harmony Cafe that I started going to again. It's neat this time because everybody's not like five years older than I am anymore :p Plus there are nerds like me there, I've even managed to find a commie without really looking.

Speaking of commies, I've shifted even further left and am now an anarchist. I could write a memoir about how EVERY aspect of modern civilisation sucks, but I don't think I will... this time. I've felt this way for as long as I can remember and beyond, and as I'm the only one who reads this I don't see that being a worthwhile endeavor. The anarchists are the ones who have articulated things that I have either taken as self-evident or been afraid to dream of, so that's where I am.

For a week or so I've been trying to get more in touch with my creative side. I forget why I originally started... I think a random urge to write some Pokemon fanfiction, but now I'm taking it as a learning experience despite only having written 200 words that I'm going to throw away anyway. >.> I can't think of a plot, but that's not going to stop me this time. I also want to get an instrument.

As for video games, I haven't touched any in '09 yet. :/ Drought!

edit: Oh new years resolutions
-Learn Esperanto
-Leave home
-Take care of my hair and teeth

Aaron told me the other day he googled my name and read this and I was so embarassed because I thought it was the embarassing one. It's not though which is kind of awesome but doesn't really matter and also I don't have any idea what the embarassing one is anymore. I probably used a pseudoname for it so nobody could find it by googling me but i can't help but feel like it will bite me one day.

oh well. Obviously, the only logical course of action is to start posting in this again.

so liek~! yesterday I went to a GLBT partnership in the next town (the same one, in fact in the same building I wrote from in the entries before this). There weren't many people but I prefer small groups anyway. Much better than when I was little and there were like 30 people. :) I can actually get a word in edgewise now.

I should look at some commie groups... since I'm a communist now.

New livejournal account: Kijunaa

I kept a chronicle while I was at the mental hospital, here's most of it if you want to see it.

Day 0 (last day you saw me before I left)
I got back home, and then Mother came down to harass me about how wrong I was about everything ever and [we got into a fight] and I yelled at her really loudly to kill herself and she called the cops for like the fourth time in four days. So I told the cop I had a death wish and he finally did something about it and took me to a hospital where I did a blood test and peed in a cup etc. and played Sonic Advance 3. Also on the way there I learned that he and his son are gamers so I reccomended him Sonic. anyway he took me to another hospital for suicidal teenagers where I went to sleep.

Day 1
Everyone here's so normal, it's weird. I expected them to be more... emo. Also the guy who used to pick on me in fourthish grade was there. He didn't recognize me. Then I played dominoes with the guy who used to pick on me (Cory) and another girl (Steph, she's fun to be around and clearly crushing on Cory). And she said it's okay if I come over! :D

Day 2
Cory went home, Steph went to court where I assume she was sentenced to 30 days rehab (I assume) and Chris (the only other interesting person) went home and now it's just me and two other quiet (Just because I have nothing to say! I'm really not that much different IRL!) girls. The whole day was boring, depressing, and quiet. I miss everyone. I hope we get someone cool tomorrow. Also, my tests came back fine. I didn't lose any weight, I'm not... the only consequence of me not eating for five days was that I had a little trouble getting food down for a bit.Also I got the first idea for escape... call an extended family member and hope they let me move in. Also my court date is Tuesday or Wednesday

Day 3
We got a thirteen year old girl (!) named Jona, a latino stereotype named Martina, and also Cory came back. Now that Steph's gone Jona's my new best friend, but she won't let me come over. :( So she's more like my best acquaintence. Who is going home tomorrow. Besides hanging out with everyone except for Corey who was on level 1, which means he's grounded, it was a pretty uneventful day... save for that embarassing game of Connect Four where I lost before the game even left the bottom row.

Day 4
Jona left, I talked to a doctor and did some psych testing. Next.

Day 5
Apparently, my court date was Monday, which was today. So before I left I got Cory's contact info (He wanted me to have it, plus I told him I had Steph's so he wanted that too) then I left.Child Protective Services is going to contact me within a day and tell me my options. In the mean time I should think about who to move in with Also I got to decide that my parents couldn't see anything or get into the courtoom which felt SO FREAKING GOOD after they drove all that way. ^_^ also holy crap did I miss lunch? No, nevermind. I had it. Oh, also I'm going back to parents for 90 days under cop supervision And by the time I got back everybody was discharged except Cory who's still grounded. Also, I mentioned in group that my plan was to move in with a guy who I met online so they made us watch 48 hours to teach me about all the dangers of the internet like roleplaying having sex and keeping journals. The doctor ignored it also to tell me I was completely mentally healthy and I got to thinking... I should write a book. Afterwards one of the staff argued with me about it and was a total bitch the whole time, she like resorted to namecalling and declared that every argument I had was a defense mechanism.

Day 6
Three separate people told me today how hopeless my situation was and I talked to my parents. I feel really shitty right now... Also we got a new girl, she's supposedly psychotic but I don't think she's psychotic. She's cool!

Day 8
The cynical guy from yesterday came over and flipped out at me for lying to him about whatever, he was too mad for me to get a word in and figure out what the hell he was so pissed about, but whatever I never expected to see him again anyway. Still though, wtf. Also, I got sent to level 1 for note passing which I didn't even know was against the rules. On one hand, that kinda sucks. On the other, I was getting kinda fat from all the pretzels and this'll give me time to work on that book. Also: They won't give me enough loose leaf to work on a book. :| *learns Python*

I spent the last week at Bellin Psychiatric Hospital - Adolescent unit.

Got a full synopsis later today, but I still don't have my laptop so I have to go back to that cafe to post it.